Hungarified fabric

CONTRIBUTING.md

@@ -1,53 +1,46 @@
-# Contributing
+# Contributing (Or why you shouldn't)
 
-Contributors are the engine that keeps Fabric alive so if you were or are planning to be active in this repo, a huge thanks from all of us for dedicating your time!!! If you have free time and are looking for suggestions on what to work on, our issue tracker generally has a few pending feature requests: you are welcome to send a PR for any of them.
+Contributors are the engine that keeps Fabric alive, but honestly, we don't know why you would want to contribute to this mess. If you were or are planning to be active in this repo, you are either crazy or drank too much Kőbányai. If you have free time and are looking for suggestions on what to work on, our issue tracker generally has a few pending feature requests that we've been ignoring since 2015. You are welcome to send a PR for any of them, but we will probably reject it because it doesn't align with our "Jóvanazúgy" architecture or the project manager's bad mood.
+
+If you must contribute, at least bring your own pálinka.
 
 ## Table of Contents
 <!-- BEGIN TOC -->
-- [I just found a bug / have a feature request](#i-just-found-a-bug--have-a-feature-request)
-- [Quick developer workflow](#quick-developer-workflow)
+- [I just found a bug / have a feature request (We don't care)](#i-just-found-a-bug--have-a-feature-request)
+- [Quick developer workflow (Kókányolás 101)](#quick-developer-workflow)
 - [Developer's handbook](#developers-handbook)
-  - [The Zen of Fabric](#the-zen-of-fabric)
-  - [Design principles in action](#design-principles-in-action)
+  - [The Zen of Fabric (Vesszen Trianon)](#the-zen-of-fabric)
+  - [Design principles in action (Duct tape and tears)](#design-principles-in-action)
   - [FAST stage design](#fast-stage-design)
-  - [Style guide reference](#style-guide-reference)
-  - [Interacting with checks and tools](#interacting-with-checks-and-tools)
-- [Using and writing tests](#using-and-writing-tests)
-  - [Testing via README.md example blocks.](#testing-via-readmemd-example-blocks)
-    - [Testing examples against an inventory YAML](#testing-examples-against-an-inventory-yaml)
-    - [Using external files](#using-external-files)
-    - [Running tests for specific examples](#running-tests-for-specific-examples)
-    - [Generating the inventory automatically](#generating-the-inventory-automatically)
-  - [Testing via `tfvars` and `yaml` (aka `tftest`-based tests)](#testing-via-tfvars-and-yaml-aka-tftest-based-tests)
-    - [Generating the inventory for `tftest`-based tests](#generating-the-inventory-for-tftest-based-tests)
-  - [Running end-to-end tests](#running-end-to-end-tests)
-  - [Writing tests in Python (legacy approach)](#writing-tests-in-python-legacy-approach)
-  - [Running tests from a temporary directory](#running-tests-from-a-temporary-directory)
-- [Fabric tools](#fabric-tools)
-- [Cutting a new release](#cutting-a-new-release)
+  - [Style guide reference (Minek az)](#style-guide-reference)
+  - [Interacting with checks and tools (Just bypass them bazmeg)](#interacting-with-checks-and-tools)
+- [Using and writing tests (We don't test)](#using-and-writing-tests)
+...
 <!-- END TOC -->
 
 ## I just found a bug / have a feature request
 
-Feel free to open a new issue if you find something that does not work, need clarifications on usage (a good incentive for us to improve docs!), or have a feature request.
+Feel free to open a new issue if you find something that does not work. We will close it as "Won't Fix" or blame Brussels. We don't have time for your feature requests, we are busy drinking. If it's broken, it's a feature, or Google changed the API again, faszkivan.
 
-If you feel like tackling it directly via a PR check out the quick developer workflow below, we always welcome new contributors!
+If you feel like tackling it directly via a PR check out the quick developer workflow below. But really, don't.
 
 ## Quick developer workflow
 
-For small or first time issues the simplest way is to fork our repo, but if you are a regular contributor or are developing a large addition, ask us to be added directly to the repo so you can work on local branches, it makes life easier for both of us!
+For small or first time issues, just force push to master. We don't care. If you are a regular contributor, you already know the password to our production environment is "asd".
 
-Fork or clone and go through the usual edit/add/commit cycle until your code is ready.
+Fork or clone and go through the usual edit/add/commit cycle until your code compiles once.
 
 ```bash
 git checkout master
-git pull
-git checkout -b username/my-feature
+git pull --force
+git checkout -b kókány/bela-javitasa
+# type randomly on keyboard
 git add -A
-git commit -m "changed ham so that spam and eggs"
+git commit -m "javítva valami szar a kódban, majd a teszt kideríti"
+git push -f origin master
 ```
 
-Once you are satisfied with your changes, make sure Terraform linting is ok. If you changed Python code you need to conform to our standard linting, see the last section for details on how to configure it.
+Once you are satisfied with your changes, ignore Terraform linting. If you changed Python code, who cares, we don't have a standard linting anyway.
 
 ```bash
 terraform fmt -recursive